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Wallpaper, the Devil’s Creation.

I never hated wallpaper. I have seen some really nice quality wallpaper. In fact, at one time I had a sample book of Farrow and Ball wallpaper. You could run your fingers down the pattern and feel all the different layers of paint that were used to create the image. No my friends that was no mass produced Wallpaper, instead it was almost a little work of art.

So no, I never hated wallpaper.

Hated…

…past tense.

Now, I swear if I ever see a roll of wallpaper again I may vomit. Possibly, violently.

Tis’ the sacrifice of buying an old Farmhouse.

At first, the farmhouse filled me with false hope. In 5 rooms the wallpaper came down smoothly, without much fight. And, more importantly the plaster walls underneath didn’t crumble nearly as much as they could have. But she built me up, just to let me down- like The Foundations song. Maybe, I’ll start calling her Buttercup, Baby.

Anyways, it was the last and smallest room that broke me down. If I had to calculate the hours spent in that room I would say 10- at the least. Sometimes it was just me working alone, but other times there were 4 of us in that room. I had to fight through 5 different layers of wallpaper before I found the wall. Not one of the 5 wallpaper patterns can hold a candle to my Farrow and Ball sample book.

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Before

 

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After

 

I suppose I can claim victory. I did manage to get it all down. But somewhere in the 4 inch deep shavings of wallpaper lies a piece of me. The piece of me that will never ever be able enjoy Wallpaper again. I’m not even sure I can look at it now without hyperventilating and reaching for a paper bag. Wallpaper Equals Loathing Panic (WELP)- Leads to the consumption of Pina Coladas, Wine, Appletinis, Pomegranate Margaritas, and other alcoholic concoctions, currently under review by the New England Journal of Medicine – it’s a thing.

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